


Heaven, As On Earth

by mindlessfanatic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Guardian Angels, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 15:03:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindlessfanatic/pseuds/mindlessfanatic
Summary: Dan is depressed, and has always had an over-active inner life in his mind. One lonely night, he meets a myriad of characters, including a mysterious boy named Phil.





	

My fingers curled tightly around the knob as I shut the door gently, and as my fingers slipped off the cold metal I could feel myself let out the breath I had been holding. Moving over to the couch, I tucked my legs in and rested my hot head on my knees. My head was throbbing and my chest was contracting, leaving a tightness in my throat that threatened to choke me. I could feel the strings attached to me tighten, then felt my puppet master pull me up. He knew I was powerless once I was alone. I always told myself that I would fight the next time he tried it, that I was strong enough to block him out, but he knew how to break down all my walls.

I grimaced as he bent over and started whispering into my ear. _Hey, Dan._ _None of your friends care about you. They’re all going to leave you. You’ve let down your family. They’re going to give up on you. No one knows how you feel. No one knows you. You’re all alone. You’ll be alone forever._

Then suddenly the strings slacken, and I look up. The chilly night wind blows right through me. That’s when the thrashing begins. I slide off the couch and hit the ground, gasping as though he took all the air away with him, leaving me to die of asphyxiation. It feels like a dream when I grab a penknife, press down and drag on my forearm. It feels like a dream when cold water meets red blood, stinging. It feels like a dream when I cradle my new wound like a newborn child, tears drying on my face, rocking myself back and forth.

The last thing I remember is how tired I am, and how all the colours seem to be melting together…

When I open my eyes, everything is white. There’s puffy clouds and a satin carpet, and every step I take brings me closer to a glimmer looming up ahead. It’s a silver throne, with spikes adorned with dead roses. And on it sits a girl, with completely white clothes and skin, white hair flowing over the throne with its ends lost in the clouds below. She turns around, and her eyes fly open. Deep purple irises with deep black pools in the centre. I swear that for just a second, I can see them blaze.

She looks me over calmly, as though she had expecting me. “You’ve come” she said, her voice low and smooth. “Just like all of them.”

She rises from the throne and takes a step towards me, not taking her eyes off me. “You wish you could be saved, don’t you?”

It doesn’t take any thought for me to nod, eyes filling up with tears. She continues to look at me, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s a flash of pity I see in her face when she speaks again. “You wish someone would save you, correct?”

I nod again, more fervently this time. She throws her head back and bursts into loud laughter, shocking me out of my tears. The jarring sound burns into my head and I take a few steps back as my head begins to throb. But then as abruptly as she starts, she stops.

“You’re all the same” she says, the faintest hint of a smile playing on her lips. “You’ve all somehow managed to  _convince_ yourselves that someone’s going to come along and be absolutely perfect for you and fucking  _hold you so all your broken pieces stick together._ ” Her mouth twists in the bitter mockery. “That’s not how it works. People only care about themselves. No one will come running to help you when your puppet master takes over. No one will kiss your scars and bandage your wounds. No one can defeat your demons. Not even you!” Her voice rises shrilly. “When you finally lose the war, that’s when you come here. To me! Where I’ll tell you that nothing you ever believed in is true, where I’ll leave you all alone!”

I fall to my knees, trembling. She stares down coldly at me, bony fingers reaching down to grab my neck. My eyes fall on a small flash of silver. Where her fourth finger meets her knuckle.

“Ah, so you see this ring!” She yanks it off her finger, holding it up. “The man who gave me this ring tried to give me love, but the only thing he taught me was how fucking alone I am with or without him.” She laughs as she spins the ring around in her fingers. “Can you believe I spent days crying? But then I came here, and I got over it, and now nothing can hurt me.” She grins. “But all of you, you will never be okay. You will stay here and scream in sheer denial until you evaporate.” She’s silent for a moment, then looks back down at me. “Love is a lie! It doesn’t exist!” She suddenly screams.

My warm brown eyes meet her cold purple ones, and suddenly I can feel the knot in my stomach begin to dissolve, rise, fill me up, dance in my throat, threaten to spill out…

“Have you ever tried again?” I blurt out. Her eyes widen, then narrow. She takes a step closer to me. “Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying? No one ever stays” she says through gritted teeth. “It’s not worth it.”

“But what if it is?” I question, slightly louder. “What if some people can love themselves so much that they can pass on the love to others too? What if people have the power to never give up on someone they care so much about? What if love doesn’t need to be perfect, but as long as you’re trying, it’s enough?”

A chuckle escapes her, and she shakes her head. “How is it possible for  _all_ of you to be exactly the same? You’re all so fucking, fucking deluded…” she mutters. Her voice is soft, and condescending.

“Take me back there” I demand. “I want to prove you wrong.”

She raises her eyebrows incredulously. “You want to go back  _there?_ To that fucked up place?”

“Any place is less fucked up than here” I say, staring straight at her. She looks vaguely amused, but then her lips form a thin line, and she looks at me vacantly.

“So be it” she says, voice laced with bitterness, and suddenly I am tumbling through a dark hole, falling and falling and falling too fast…

When I wake up, someone’s arms are around my waist, holding me tightly and protectively against his chest. I turn around to be greeted by a pale face, with thick black hair falling over his crystal blue eyes. He smiles warmly at me, making my heart swell, and pulls the blanket up to cover me, letting me snuggle deeper into him. “You don’t have to wake up early today, love, you can sleep for as long as you want…” he murmurs as I fall back into a deep sleep.

The next time I wake up, I find myself alone again. Glancing at the clock, I quickly jump out of the bed and rush out the front door. I stay out late that night and return home with a little too much alcohol flowing through my veins, leaving me even more vulnerable to my puppet master. But once I shut the door, I realise that there are no strings attached to me. Instead I look up to see the same blue-eyed boy, with the same warm smile.

“My name's Phil. I'm your guardian angel. I know that you have a lot of pain and hurt within you. But pardon me, I do not know how to fix it for you.” he says gently and apologetically. I hear the echoes of a white-haired girl playing with a ring and screaming shrilly, and I’m about to start trembling again when the blue-eyed boy speaks again.

“But I do want to learn how to help you. And I believe I can do that. So, I have a proposition. You teach me how your bad days work and I’ll figure out how to make you smile, at least for a moment, and you do the same for me. And whenever anything gets bad, we will work hard on it until we’re okay again. Does that sound good, Dan?”

I feel a buzzing in my chest and lift my hand to caress the boy’s cheek. I wrap my arms around him, burying my face into his shoulder. “That sounds wonderful” I say softly, and somehow I can’t stop smiling. “I won’t give up on you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed my first fic on AO3! I know there's not much Phan in this, but I wrote this on a sad night when I was contemplating the existence of true love, and as a distraction, decided to try my hand at writing one of those angsty/fluffy fics I read so much of. The product was something very dark and supernatural, but with a happy ending because there's always hope, right? The characters all represent voices in my head - both the comforting and the evil.
> 
> I'm currently writing another fic that will contain loads more Phan, I promise.
> 
> Thank you for stopping by! I should probably get back to studying since finals are in a week and here I am writing and creating an AO3 account. Oops.


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